Sunday, December 21, 2008

Should I move?

Should I move to another apartment or house?

13 comments:

  1. My husband and I lost our baby girl on March 1, 1997. Since then we have been staying with my parents and I'm not sure if we should move to a different apt. or house or how long we should stay with my parents. We had to move out of that apt. we had only lived there eight days when our baby died and I just couldn't bear to be there by myself. I guess it is up to each individual and what they're most comfortable with. (Sun, 6 Apr 1997)

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  2. As with most questions of this genre, it is a matter of what is right for you. However, it is usually recommended not to make any big decisions for one year after the death of your baby. Leaving the house at the time of the death and then not returning makes it hard to reach closure on many issues. Try living in your home for at least six months. If you find you just can't bear it at that time, then consider moving. Most parents find that their home, while a reminder of the terrible thing that has happened to them, is also filled with the beautiful memories of their baby's life - and it is usually the only home the baby ever knew. (Sat, 5 Apr 1997)

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  3. I had to move after my son died. The apartment smelled like him so bad. My mother-in-law moved in after us, even though we didn't want her to. The apartment still smells like him, and I get very upset when I visit, and I cannot go into his old room. (Thu, 10 Apr 1997)

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  4. I definitely wouldn't make any quick decisions concerning a move. You may feel strongly about moving at first, but later realize that it brings you much comfort being in the same place that you shared with your baby. If you move too soon, you may regret it later, and feel like you gave up some place special that you and your child shared.

    In my case, I get comfort being in the same house. I look around each room and have special memories of my son being there. My son died at the baby-sitters. If he would have died at home, I may have a different opinion about being in that house. I guess it all depends on the circumstances. (Wed, 9 Apr 97)

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  5. My opinion is to wait before making any major decisions that may be regretted later. Personally, I have tried several times to go back to my home (our daughter died in her crib there) and when I do, the silence is too deafening. I spend most of my time alone (my husband works exclusively out of town) and even though all of my joyful memories are there in that house, I cannot bear the silence. We have the house listed for sale and are seriously considering relocating to a different city. (Wed, 9 Apr 1997)

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  6. We closed on our house 4 days before our baby's sudden death. It was nice to start over without many reminders. I'm a teacher and the faculty at my school got together and moved us so we didn't have to do the sorting and packing. They tucked her things in a safe place and I go through it when I'm up to it, but it isn't in clear view as a constant reminder of what I should do (sort through things) or something I miss. (Fri, 11 Apr 1997)

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  7. I would not recommend immediately moving away from the only place that you have shared memories with your child. Although you will be regularly confronted with reminders of your son or daughter, running away from these reminders will not eliminate your grief. The pain, the loss, the memories... these all have to be dealt with eventually. (My daughter died in my home two years ago.) (8/2/97)

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  8. That's is entirely need to be made to each individual. For me, my son passed away in my house of SIDS in 1995, it is sentimental. Just like I would have an extremely hard time if my Mother sold the house where my Father has passed away. I love them both dearly. But as long as you always keep your loved ones in your heart that is all that really matters. (7/31/97)

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  9. My baby was born Jan 21, 1997 and died March 27, 1997. May 1st I moved in to a new home. I have no regrets of moving. I feel better staying here then at the apt where our baby passed. I still have all of my babies stuff though and the bed we found him in. (Mon, 5 May 1997)

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  10. My son was 4mo old when he passed in 07. I wanted to stay in our house where I had the memories to cherish. My husband had different plans. He wanted to move right away. It eventually broke us apart, not seeing eye to eye about anything after that. It is definitely something that has to be talked about. Women and men grieve in different ways. Men brush it aside most of the time, only because that’s all they know to be strong. So be careful on all choices made. Journey Mason Friis May 07 to Oct 07.

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  11. AnonymousJuly 10, 2009

    My son died October 11,2000. We stayed in the house for a couple of days after his death. But, I couldn't take being there. We moved out for about 6 months.Then we went back.It was easier being there smelling his scent.I don't know, it was comforting.No one can tell you what u should or shouldn't do.It all depends on how u feel about it.Everybody is different and handles things differently than others.

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  12. AnonymousJuly 14, 2009

    My Wife and I are very torn on this. We want to move out, but we don't want to leave behind the place we had with him. Any new home wouldn't be as comforting as one we had with him, but the painful reminders of where we had placed his bassinet, and where we changed him, where we walked the halls to rock him to sleep, to comfort him, it feels like losing the memories to walk away from the place. Very mixed. We have decided to leave though.

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  13. I had severe anxiety attacks every time I passed my babies room.I could still see the outline of where he was laid for CPR even though it had been vacuumed. And each time I was near the room I remembered the feeling of panic as I found him that morning. I was home alone when I found him and I just found that I couldn't function in that apartment so we moved to a new one but stayed in the same complex area.

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